Questions I hear on almost a daily basis are: "Why is it taking so long? or "Why is it so expensive? or "That must be really hard? or "Really, you have no idea when they will be home?" A frequent comment I hear is "It shouldn't be so hard to give these poor children a home." I thought it may be helpful to address some of these questions (for those who are interested) by writing about the logistics of our journey. Mind you, I am not including the heart ache that was felt during each of these prolonged steps.
Here is the full story so far (to the best of my remembrance) of our struggle to bring these two precious boys into our family. It is also an attempt to help answer some of those questions for those who are interested, care, and have the patience.
July 2010: Six months after the devastating earthquake, we go to Haiti for the first time. We decide to adopt Alto because he fits in the birth order in our family and I absolutely fall in love with him. I come back and immediately immerse myself into daily researching the ever changing world of Haitian adoptions. I find out that Cap Haitien Children's Home (CHCH), where the boys live, is not licensed to do adoptions or even a licensed orphanage, the fact that we have 4 biological children, as well as the fact that Alto has 2 living parents will make this journey difficult. I spend the next 7 months trying to find an agency in Haiti that will facilitate our adoption. Nobody wants to take it on.
Oh, and Haiti closes adoptions uncertain when they will open again.
Tony and I have a brief discussion about adopting another child as well. The next day (without specifically discussing it) we both independently tell those around us that we are also adopting Sem. It was obviously part of God's plan.
I finally find one agency that was willing to take our case is in Port au Prince and will not help us unless we move Alto and Sam to their facility. We are unwilling to put the boys through that emotionally. So I keep searching and calling, and emailing. I finally find Children of the Promise (COTP) in Cap Haitien hoping the boys can stay at CHCH since they are in the same town. They deny me immediately. They are my last hope so I email them back and literally beg and plead. The adoption facilitator asks for my number and calls me. She says they will only approve our family for a child with special needs. I say, "the fact that they are doomed to life in an orphanage is a special need." She says she will talk to her staff and call me back. We pray. They decide to take our case. We thank God!
That took 7 months!!!
February 2011: Haiti re-opens adoptions. We immediately start working on our dossier (which includes more information than any of you know about us) to turn into the Haitian government, a process that involves getting psychoanalyzed, FBI background checks, and our home study among a million other things. This becomes my full time job and takes 3 months to complete. I wake up thinking about our dossier and go to sleep thinking about our dossier.
June 2011: Our dossier arrives in Haiti and the agonizing, helpless wait begins.
September 2011: Our dossier finally makes it into IBESR (the agency in Haiti that will approve our adoption.) Shortly after, IBESR closes down so the new director can "figure out" Haitian adoptions and reorganize the office.
The Prime Minister of Haiti resigns (he is the one who ultimately signs off on adoptions.) It will take "awhile" to not only replace him, but inform him that signing off on adoptions is one of his mundane tasks.
This is agonizing as we know our file is just literally sitting there with nothing being done.
January 2012: IBESR re-opens. Ok, now we expect to see some action. Still agonizing because we hear absolutely nothing about our adoption! We have no idea how long it will be before we are done with this stage. We hear of others getting out, but not us. Nothing happens for 5 more months.
I cannot express how difficult it is to wait for something of such magnitude that you have absolutely NO control over. This adoption, more than any other event in my life, is teaching me that God really is in control and it's really better that He is.
Feb. 2012: Tony and I take a trip to Haiti to file some paperwork for the US side of our adoption. This is with the hopes that we will be out of IBESR soon (we won't be.) The highlight is the time we get to spend with the boys. They both greet us at the airport running and yelling excited to see us. We spend the few days we have at the beach, coloring, making kites, and just getting to know them without all of the work that we normally have to do when we come on a mission trip. Leaving them rips my heart out. Sam and I spend a couple of hours crying together before we leave. He can't/won't communicate what he's feeling. I just tell him I love him over and over and that we will be back in July.
June 2012: We finally exit IBESR. We are elated but not blind to the fact that the road ahead is still going to be very long.
That was a 9 month wait!
At this point, we are about $30,000 into our adoption with at least $20,000 more to go.
At this point, we are about $30,000 into our adoption with at least $20,000 more to go.
July 2012: We take our next mission trip to Haiti. The boys don't greet us like they did in Feb. Sam seems more distant, yet excited we are there. He is protecting himself emotionally...unwilling to go through the pain he did before. I understand, but part of me still wants my boy in my arms continually. We have so much work to do at the orphanage, we really don't spend a ton of time with the boys. Goodbye isn't as difficult and I tell the boys the next time we come we will take them home.
By the end of July, our file goes through several legal steps, one of which makes the boys legally ours in Haiti. This is bittersweet as they may belong to us legally but emotionally they couldn't be farther away.
We enter MOI (Ministry of the Interior) the last step on the Haitian side of our adoption. This is where everything is double/triple checked and finalized in Haiti. This step should only take 2 months tops. We are excited that things may be getting closer. This step takes 4 months, not 2.
Aug. 2012: The boys are moved to the Children of the Promise orphanage. Since CHCH isn't licensed to do adoptions, they feel it's too risky legally for them to be residing there. Remember 2 years ago when I searched high and low for an agency that would let them stay where they are to spare them emotionally?
Sept. 2012: I get an email titled "Good News/Bad News." Alto has his passport and is ready for the last steps. Sam's father's death certificate has been lost and it will take at least a month ( it took 2 months) to fix. I am crushed! I really don't handle this news well.
Oct. 2012: I get a call from Jillian (the missionary at CHCH) saying that Alto is not adjusting well emotionally at COTP. He cries himself to sleep every night. My heart aches and I can't think about it without crying. If you are a mother, you know you would gladly take on any hurt for your child. I can't...there's nothing I can do. But wait...depend on God, rely on Him to get our little Alto, me and all of eight of us through this heart wrenching journey.
I get another update that says it will be weeks before Sam's passport is ready to go. We have now been in MOI for 3 months...this was supposed to be a 2 month wait, tops.
Nov. 2012: We should have Sam's passport this month. Then we begin the journey of getting visas for the boys...maybe the US side of things will go efficiently.
Tanya, my heart is seriously hurting for you guys, especially the boys.
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