Adoption Update!

Exciting news! We got an email today that said our adoption files have received presidential dispensation. In short, this means that the longest, most arduous process of our adoption is complete. We are getting ready to exit the "black hole" of Haitian adoption called IBESR. It is so-called because an adoption file can sit there for months (ours was there for 7) or even years with absolutely NO WORD on what is happening. It can be a very agonizing wait if you don't trust that the entire process is up to God and completely in His control.

So now, we are starting to feel that it may be OK to do things like set up the boys' rooms, order school curriculum for them next year, etc.

Chances are slim, but there is a small chance we may not have to say, "goodbye" this Summer when we go on our mission trip in July. Praying things will go that quickly...but if the latter part of the process is anything like the former...we're still in for a serious wait.

In July we will be 2 years into this process. Our boys, who were 3 and 6 at that time, are now 5 and 8. They are growing like weeds as are my biological children. We just can't wait for all this growing to start happening with us!

July 2010

March 2012

Jesus Took it Too Far

In case you haven't noticed, since 2 summers ago, a majority of my blog posts have been about a small town in a country nearly 3000 miles away. Yes, this country has overtaken my prayers, my thoughts, my reading time, my family, and my life in many ways. I have left Haiti unable to look at my life and the world the same.

I now struggle with things I never did before; like the fact that what it costs me to go out to eat with my husband (about $30-$40) can support a child in Haiti for a month, buy life or death medications for someone who needs them, or feed a starving family. This perspective makes living in the affluence of America somewhat difficult. It makes buying a new couch, paying someone $80/hour to fix our car, or even paying for music lessons for my kids seem extreme and unnecessary.

I've stopped verbalizing these struggles as it seems to be offensive to most of those around me. "we don't live in Haiti," "you can't feel guilty about everything," "we don't have to be so extreme" "you're taking it too far" are all typical responses I get. Well, in response, I would live in Haiti in a heartbeat if I thought that was God's will at this point in my life, I don't feel guilty...just convicted (there's a big difference,) and Jesus "took it pretty far" in my opinion.

"So therefore, no one of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions," (Luke 14:33) Jesus says to those whom He wants to count the cost of becoming His disciple. "Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be My disciple." Notice Jesus says CANNOT be my disciple. We wouldn't argue with Jesus when he said "...unless one is born again, he CANNOT enter the kingdom of God" but we rationalize away these two CANNOT statements by Jesus all the time. Yes, Jesus actually means that the cost to follow Him is your own life and He actually means you need to be willing to sell all your possessions if that's what it takes to follow Him. Yeah, Jesus took it too far by our definition.

This is the part where I'm supposed to give you a way out, put you at ease by saying that none of us (including me) could actually attain these things, so let's just try the best we can. After all, we have to have boundaries...too much commitment and we could seem obsessed. I don't want to give myself or you a way out. Jesus didn't give His listeners a way out. He said He wants it all from us and nothing less. None of us are actually attaining what Jesus is telling us to do in these passages. But let's at least admit the uncompromising truth regarding what He wants from us when we choose to be His disciple.

This is a family in Haiti that has caught my heart specifically. Milona (the older daughter) has diabetes, a dangerous disease for a child in America with good health care much less in Haiti with virtually no health care. She is strong, a survivor, and ends up in an ill-equipped Haitian hospital at least twice a year fighting for her life. There are millions more like her all over the world who lack basic needs that we all take for granted; food, clean water, health care, shelter from weather. Did Jesus take it too far when He asks us to make sacrifices for even the least of these?

The Power of "I Love You"

After a 30-minute car ride to the beach with the boys, Sam immediately bypassed playing in the crystal blue water and started writing in the sand as soon as we got there as if he had been planning what he was going to write long before we arrived. I uncharacteristically happened to have a camera in my hand so I casually took a now priceless picture.

I learned during this last visit that there were two things Sam has been working on writing in English. His name (Sam Francois) , and "I love you." It didn't hit me until this week (which has been overflowing with challenges involving these 3 simple words) how intentional all of this was on his part.

He had been contemplating since our last visit (4 months ago) what he wanted to communicate to us....and this was it! The words are powerful, aren't they?

As a child, you understand somewhat the power of love. As a parent you truly understand for the first time the power of love.

Please pray for us as we strive to truly live out loving all of our children in such a way that there is never any doubt in their minds how much they are truly loved.

Sam

I-600 in Haiti

Tony and I took a whirlwind trip to Haiti to file our I-600 with the American embassy in Port au Prince. This is the paperwork we file so the American government can assess whether or not the boys are actually "orhpaned." I was a bit anxious about going to PaP as I've heard many not so fun stories from others about their visits there. Surprisingly, all went as well as things can go in Haiti.

We left Saturday and had a 5 hour layover in Los Angeles. We took advantage of it and met Shannon and Todd at the airport and they so graciously took us out to eat. It just left me longing for more time with my oldest friend.

We were met (thankfully) at the airport in PaP on Sunday morning and were taken straight to our guesthouse. If you're ever in the neighborhood, I highly recommend it: Heartline Househttp://haiti-guesthouse.com/. We were the only ones staying there that night, so we had the whole place to ourselves all evening. And it was surprisingly relaxing and enjoyable with a private room and barbecue chicken dinner.

Up at 5:00 AM on Monday to get to the embassy for our 7:00 appt. We were allowed in the embassy about 8:00. Long story short....about 4 hours of waiting for about 15 minutes worth of business.

Now the exciting part! We are off to Cap Haitien to spend a couple days with the boys. Hunter and Jillian so graciously brought them to the airport to meet us and to our surprise they came running to us yelling "Mama!, Papa!"...tears coming again just thinking about it. The entire visit we spent skipping school, coloring, playing games, making kites, going to the beach, and just getting to hang out with them and get to know the two of them even better. They are just two fun, sweet, little boys...can I just say? We ABSOLUTELY cannot wait to get them home!

Tony, being the servant that he is, had to fit in some type of labor while we were there...don't think he can go to Haiti without that experience under his belt.

Sam wearing Tony's sunglasses and hat...Alto being a boy and Dalencia. Utah people need to note Sam's shirt.

Sam showing off his splits. Always a show-off!

Laughina, Sam, and Caleb (Gerome's baby) I learned the hard way that Sam, although he loves babies, does not always know the correct way to handle them.

Overall, this trip which I expected to be highly stressful was surprisingly relaxing...a much needed time with my husband as well as with my two boys.

In Florida for the day!

Waiting...still.

What is it that we all despise so much about waiting? It's not about us.

Every adoptive parent's blog contains at least one post entitled or having something to do with "Waiting." Maybe because it's so gut wrenching waiting on inefficient governments to go through the necessary processes that they are also going through for hundreds of other families just like us as our paperwork sits on someone's desk who may or may not care about the fact that every day without our boys is another day our family feels incomplete. In every adoption there comes a point where you just have to wait. There is nothing more you can do. You have no control, no say, no power over any aspect of the process whatsoever. That is where we are. There are no decisions to be made, no paperwork to frantically try to assemble from all corners of the earth, no plans to make in anticipation of the arrival of two precious boys. All there is to do is just WAIT.

In our ladies Bible study the other night, I gleamed a neat little gem from God's word about waiting. Isaiah 40:31 "...but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wing like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." The Hebrew word "wait" is almost always used to refer to waiting on the Lord and it specifically means to wait with expectation. Not waiting in doubt, but waiting with expectation. It reminds me of God's definition of faith in Hebrews 11... the assurance of things hoped for. You see...when I wait for something with the full expectation that it's going to happen, it's a lot different than waiting when I am uncertain if something is going to happen. I am waiting with confidence not uncertainty.

God wants us to wait on Him with the full expectation that what He wants is going to happen. The trick is to be content with what HE (not ME) wants to happen.

Does this mean that all is going to go according to my plan...(ie...we will wait until Spring to set the boys' rooms up.) Of course not! That kind of waiting disappoints...almost every time.

The kind of waiting God talks about here is the kind that renews our strength. Did you catch that? He said renew....not give you back the strength you once had, but give you a whole new strength you never knew you had. A strength that lets you glide through your life with the grace, ease, and fearlessness of an eagle. A strength that when you run through the stressful, fast paced moments and time is flying by, you will not get tired and when you walk through the more lonely, slow and difficult times you will not get weary. I'm reminded of when Jesus is speaking to the woman at the well about water that can make you never thirst again...God can give us unlimited strength if we will just wait on Him.

If we would just trust Him enough to actually wait on Him.

So, as with every step of this process God is once again teaching me to trust Him. Not to trust with things He's already painstakingly taught me to trust Him with; difficult decisions, or deadlines, my abilities as a mother, or even with whether or not adoption is the best thing for our family. But now He is teaching me to trust Him in the midst of waiting. To trust Him that every event in my life, whether good or bad is going to be used to His glory. To trust Him that at the end of this wait my strength will be renewed and unlimited. If only I will trust Him....

So, as we wait to do such things as take family portraits, take our next family vacation, and set up bedrooms, let us all learn to wait. To truly trust and wait on the Creator of the Universe!



It will be worth the wait. :-)

"Our" Boys!

It seems a bit odd to me to refer to two little boys that I have spent less than a month total with as "ours." But it also seemed a bit odd (to me anyway) when I gave birth to my biological children that the moment they were born, an instant bond was there. Within seconds a bond was created so strong that I knew I would lay down my life at any moment for them....and would, forever! I have tried to tell myself about Sam and Alto, "they are not legally yours," "anything can happen...this is Haiti we are dealing with," "the boys don't feel the same way that you do." Well, although all of that is very true, and legally they are not mine yet, I would give my life for either of these boys...just as I would my biological children. On my part, as a mother, the bond is there. It's a bit unexplainable.

Maybe this is why God makes the adoption process so long, arduous, and difficult. It certainly wasn't this way with my biological children. God simply blessed me with the four of them, it was that beautiful, that easy, that simple. Maybe He knows that the time invested, the emotional, financial, and physical energy being expended by me on behalf of these precious boys is what has and will continue to create this bond...a bond that can only be had between a mother and a child. It was told to me by my caseworker before signing a single document that I would feel differently about these boys than my biological children. I would feel more protective, invested in these children. Not that I would have more love, commitment to or adoration for them, but I would feel in a different sense that these children were chosen, labored for, prayed over, and wept over more than the others. In typical Tanya fashion, I thought it could not be true...they would all be the same in my heart. But it is very true thus far. My biological children are mine, I love them with every fiber of my being...but there is a yearning that I have for these two little Haitian boys that I didn't need to have with the other four.

As we have labored on through this process, I keep looking for examples of adoption in the Bible. There is the example of Moses, but the most striking example I find is the one of you and me. Romans 8:14-21 discusses God's adoption of us as His sons in depth. We are co-heirs with Christ. I think of how I feel with regard to Sam and Alto vs. my biological children and how God must feel about me vs. Jesus. I have required a great deal more "work" on God's part than Jesus did, that's for sure. He has had to wait patiently for me, invest tremendously in me, He payed an unthinkable price for me. I think of how much these 2 little boys mean to me, how much I am willing to sacrifice for them, and how very dear they are to my heart and I have only spent less than a month with them. "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matt. 7:11) Any emotion or love I (who am evil) feel for any of my children, God has immeasurably more for me. I really am special to my God. He really does look at me as His daughter...with all of the privileges and inheritance that goes along with it. He gladly paid the cost and made the sacrifice for me to be His child, as I do for these boys who are to be my heirs, "co-heirs" with my children.

Introducing: Sem and Alto

It's time to make an official announcement. As most of you know, we are currently almost one year into the process of making these two adorable little boys a permanent part of our family. On the left is Alto (age 4) and on the right is Sam, or Sem (age 7.) They are both from Haiti and we fell in love with the two of them on our trip last Summer.

I really love this picture because it shows both of their personalities very well. Alto is somewhat quiet and shy (what a change to have one like that in our family) and Sem is a bit of a troublemaker/joker (that's a little more like the rest of them.) They both are creative, happy, joyful, caring, and giving little boys.

We've been a tad quiet about the entire thing for several reasons. First, it seems somewhat surreal to call children who barely know you your own; to feel so bonded, invested, and close to children who don't even speak the same language as you do. Nevertheless, this is exactly what is happening; as it must, I suppose, for all adoptive parents. Second, we only recently got legal permission from their birthparents to adopt them. And third, we have been COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED by the entire process! When we were told it will be an emotional, expensive, and exhausting process, not a single person was kidding even in the slightest.

So, please join with us in prayer as we continue our emotional roller coaster of lawyers, paperwork, notaries, communications (and lack thereof), and the most exciting and faith building experience I have had yet to date in my life. God is a Father who cares, who loves, and who is involved in the details of our lives if we will let Him.