Waiting...still.

What is it that we all despise so much about waiting? It's not about us.

Every adoptive parent's blog contains at least one post entitled or having something to do with "Waiting." Maybe because it's so gut wrenching waiting on inefficient governments to go through the necessary processes that they are also going through for hundreds of other families just like us as our paperwork sits on someone's desk who may or may not care about the fact that every day without our boys is another day our family feels incomplete. In every adoption there comes a point where you just have to wait. There is nothing more you can do. You have no control, no say, no power over any aspect of the process whatsoever. That is where we are. There are no decisions to be made, no paperwork to frantically try to assemble from all corners of the earth, no plans to make in anticipation of the arrival of two precious boys. All there is to do is just WAIT.

In our ladies Bible study the other night, I gleamed a neat little gem from God's word about waiting. Isaiah 40:31 "...but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wing like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." The Hebrew word "wait" is almost always used to refer to waiting on the Lord and it specifically means to wait with expectation. Not waiting in doubt, but waiting with expectation. It reminds me of God's definition of faith in Hebrews 11... the assurance of things hoped for. You see...when I wait for something with the full expectation that it's going to happen, it's a lot different than waiting when I am uncertain if something is going to happen. I am waiting with confidence not uncertainty.

God wants us to wait on Him with the full expectation that what He wants is going to happen. The trick is to be content with what HE (not ME) wants to happen.

Does this mean that all is going to go according to my plan...(ie...we will wait until Spring to set the boys' rooms up.) Of course not! That kind of waiting disappoints...almost every time.

The kind of waiting God talks about here is the kind that renews our strength. Did you catch that? He said renew....not give you back the strength you once had, but give you a whole new strength you never knew you had. A strength that lets you glide through your life with the grace, ease, and fearlessness of an eagle. A strength that when you run through the stressful, fast paced moments and time is flying by, you will not get tired and when you walk through the more lonely, slow and difficult times you will not get weary. I'm reminded of when Jesus is speaking to the woman at the well about water that can make you never thirst again...God can give us unlimited strength if we will just wait on Him.

If we would just trust Him enough to actually wait on Him.

So, as with every step of this process God is once again teaching me to trust Him. Not to trust with things He's already painstakingly taught me to trust Him with; difficult decisions, or deadlines, my abilities as a mother, or even with whether or not adoption is the best thing for our family. But now He is teaching me to trust Him in the midst of waiting. To trust Him that every event in my life, whether good or bad is going to be used to His glory. To trust Him that at the end of this wait my strength will be renewed and unlimited. If only I will trust Him....

So, as we wait to do such things as take family portraits, take our next family vacation, and set up bedrooms, let us all learn to wait. To truly trust and wait on the Creator of the Universe!



It will be worth the wait. :-)

Getting to know Sam and Alto

So, I haven't really talked about our visit with the boys while we were in Haiti. They spent most of their time playing around the orphanage in typical kid fashion, while we were getting lots of work done, so it worked out. We did get many precious moments spent over the two weeks, however, learning about them, hugging on them, and just plain bonding.

Alto:

Alto is a fun loving, gentle spirited 4-year old little boy. I haven't really had one of those (gentle spirited, I mean) yet so I'm really looking forward to having this sweet and adventurous little guy in our family. His attention span is that of a typical four year old as he is everywhere all the time. But when he decides to sit with you and cuddle, he will sit still for quite awhile just absorbing all the love he can. Then he's off again.

Alto came to live at the orphanage when he was 3 months old. He was very sick with TB and on the verge of death. The staff there lovingly brought him back to health and has cared for him ever since. I thank God for all of those who intervened on his behalf so we can now have the blessing of adding this ball of energy into our family.

Getting his picture was challenging.
Fun at the beach.

Sam:

When I was there, I asked Sam if he would prefer "Sem" or "Sam." He said "Sam" so from here on out, the boy is Sam. Although I saw him spell it every way but S-A-M. Sam is a little spit fire. He loves to play soccer...as long as he's winning. His cute little giggle brings a joy to your heart. Sam is definitely more aware of the adoption situation than Alto. He spent lots of time examining the photo album I brought him. He is working on his English, I can tell, but communication is still very difficult. It is hard to know what is exactly going on in his little heart. He asked me when we were going to go to America. I just said, "in a very long time." Unfortunately, that's all the information I have to give right now. I just imagine telling any child of 7 that we are going to Disney World in a year...what do you think I will hear about every day for the next year? Is it today? When are we going? I'm sure it's on his little mind all the time, trying to imagine what it is all going to be like. He must have so many unanswered questions.

Sam's father died shortly after he was born. His mother fell ill when he was about 4 years old and could no longer care for him. She brought him to live at the orphanage and he has been there ever since.

Sam building a little toy car for Cam and Caleb.

MEMORIES MADE:

The boys rarely get the privilege of going out to eat...usually just on their birthday. They were so grateful for the opportunity to go...what a joy!!!

Outside the restaurant.

Inside the restaurant.


We also got to take them to the beach (another rarety for all of us). While Alto (in the green shorts) would hardly come out of the water, Sam (in the red shirt) was too afraid to get in. Here we are with a few other kids trying to build a sand castle....really a sand mound is more what it turned out to be. The boys weren't happy about interrupting their fun to take a picture.







Here we are at a little bakery
in town enjoying a treat.

Saying goodbye was heartbreaking to say the very least. Getting to know them better just made the longing in our hearts for them to be home with us more fervent.

"Our" Boys!

It seems a bit odd to me to refer to two little boys that I have spent less than a month total with as "ours." But it also seemed a bit odd (to me anyway) when I gave birth to my biological children that the moment they were born, an instant bond was there. Within seconds a bond was created so strong that I knew I would lay down my life at any moment for them....and would, forever! I have tried to tell myself about Sam and Alto, "they are not legally yours," "anything can happen...this is Haiti we are dealing with," "the boys don't feel the same way that you do." Well, although all of that is very true, and legally they are not mine yet, I would give my life for either of these boys...just as I would my biological children. On my part, as a mother, the bond is there. It's a bit unexplainable.

Maybe this is why God makes the adoption process so long, arduous, and difficult. It certainly wasn't this way with my biological children. God simply blessed me with the four of them, it was that beautiful, that easy, that simple. Maybe He knows that the time invested, the emotional, financial, and physical energy being expended by me on behalf of these precious boys is what has and will continue to create this bond...a bond that can only be had between a mother and a child. It was told to me by my caseworker before signing a single document that I would feel differently about these boys than my biological children. I would feel more protective, invested in these children. Not that I would have more love, commitment to or adoration for them, but I would feel in a different sense that these children were chosen, labored for, prayed over, and wept over more than the others. In typical Tanya fashion, I thought it could not be true...they would all be the same in my heart. But it is very true thus far. My biological children are mine, I love them with every fiber of my being...but there is a yearning that I have for these two little Haitian boys that I didn't need to have with the other four.

As we have labored on through this process, I keep looking for examples of adoption in the Bible. There is the example of Moses, but the most striking example I find is the one of you and me. Romans 8:14-21 discusses God's adoption of us as His sons in depth. We are co-heirs with Christ. I think of how I feel with regard to Sam and Alto vs. my biological children and how God must feel about me vs. Jesus. I have required a great deal more "work" on God's part than Jesus did, that's for sure. He has had to wait patiently for me, invest tremendously in me, He payed an unthinkable price for me. I think of how much these 2 little boys mean to me, how much I am willing to sacrifice for them, and how very dear they are to my heart and I have only spent less than a month with them. "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matt. 7:11) Any emotion or love I (who am evil) feel for any of my children, God has immeasurably more for me. I really am special to my God. He really does look at me as His daughter...with all of the privileges and inheritance that goes along with it. He gladly paid the cost and made the sacrifice for me to be His child, as I do for these boys who are to be my heirs, "co-heirs" with my children.

Haiti Again!!!

God blessed us with another great trip to Haiti this Summer. Here is a quick overview:

THE TEAM:

Tony did a great job of leading a team of 12 people this year (11 from our little congregation of about 30-40 members and 1 from Arkansas) making it possible to accomplish so much more. I have to say, that I am very proud of our little congregation. About a third of the adult members came on this trip with us. I think very few congregations can say that that percentage of their membership would have a heart to minister in a place like Haiti....let's just be honest. Those who couldn't come donated candy, shoes, encouragement, and lifted up many prayers on behalf of our team. The church as a whole was very encouraged.

THE WORK:

The work was more diverse than it was last year. We accomplished alot of little projects instead of one big project including, but not limited to: painting, building, fixing up, and organizing.

Aubrey painting with Jose...one of our favorites.

THE KIDS:

Of course, the biggest and most important project was loving on the kids that we have been missing so much for an entire year. It was great to see the changes and maturity in all of them over the past year. Many came out of their shells who were a bit more reserved last year, a difference that I think is due to the stability the new missionaries, Hunter and Jillian, have provided to these little gems. Just about all of the kids seemed to remember us from last year which created an element of familiarity and trust allowing us to have more of an impact on them.

PRAYERS:

Visiting a place like Haiti is excellent for one's prayer life. There is no shortage of people with real problems. I don't mean, "I'm really stressed out because all these deadlines I've got" or "What if I lose my job?" or "My social security check isn't enough" or "My mother-in-law and I are not getting along." I mean problems like "I don't have a job and there is no hope of getting one so I'd better figure out my own way to support my family....if I don't, we will starve to death. Oh, and my 10 year old son is paralyzed." or "My entire family has turned their back on me because I have turned my back on VooDoo, so I have no support system....I'm over 70 and cannot work or take care of myself...who will help me?" just to name a few.

I have developed relationships and a love for the people who are in these and very similar conditions. It becomes mind-numbing making sense of their plight and contrasting it with my level of comfort. I find sense in the words of Jesus. In Luke 6:20 He says "Blessed are you who are poor; for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh." in vs. 24 he says "But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now for you shall mourn and weep." There is a sort of joy that these people have that I think I will never know or fully understand. A joy that goes beyond circumstance. A joyful need that brings someone to the point of wanting to seek out a relationship with their Creator. Nothing has more eternal significance or importance than that.

My problems...our problems seem somewhat insignificant when compared to those who are just working to survive every day. It's difficult to come back home and be ungrateful about very much. The words of Jesus "To whom much is given, much is required" is a joyful burden we should all feel.

Summer 2011...so far.

I am horrible at taking pictures...as most of you know. I have taken exactly 0 pictures of our family this Summer. A sad state, I know. So here is a less entertaining version of our Summer:

Visits: My Shannon came for a visit in June. We had a great time just enjoying being together and sharing the struggles as we enter sort of a new phase of child rearing.

Rachel came in July and we had a blast! Her presence always brightens up our entire family...Thanks, Eeeooch.

Adoption: We have completed everything we need (so far) for our adoption and everything is going through preliminary legal proceedings before it can go into IBESR (Haitian social services.) This monopolizes a great deal of prayer, emotions, finances, and time...so plan to continue hearing about it on a regular basis.

Camps: Cameron and Tony are headed to Boy Scout camp for the first time this year. We are going to miss them, but they are both excited to get outside, let loose, and just be "boys" for a week. I have to say, I'm a bit jealous. Aubrey will go to jump rope camp in August. Yes, there is such a thing (not really any jealousy about this one.)

Haiti: Tony, Aub, and I are headed to Haiti once again this August. We have a great team going with us. It's alot of work getting ready to go, especially last minute preparations. We can hardly wait to see all of the sweet kids again, and encourage them to faithfully seek after their Creator.

That's a quick update...there will be plenty of pics next time.

Introducing: Sem and Alto

It's time to make an official announcement. As most of you know, we are currently almost one year into the process of making these two adorable little boys a permanent part of our family. On the left is Alto (age 4) and on the right is Sam, or Sem (age 7.) They are both from Haiti and we fell in love with the two of them on our trip last Summer.

I really love this picture because it shows both of their personalities very well. Alto is somewhat quiet and shy (what a change to have one like that in our family) and Sem is a bit of a troublemaker/joker (that's a little more like the rest of them.) They both are creative, happy, joyful, caring, and giving little boys.

We've been a tad quiet about the entire thing for several reasons. First, it seems somewhat surreal to call children who barely know you your own; to feel so bonded, invested, and close to children who don't even speak the same language as you do. Nevertheless, this is exactly what is happening; as it must, I suppose, for all adoptive parents. Second, we only recently got legal permission from their birthparents to adopt them. And third, we have been COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED by the entire process! When we were told it will be an emotional, expensive, and exhausting process, not a single person was kidding even in the slightest.

So, please join with us in prayer as we continue our emotional roller coaster of lawyers, paperwork, notaries, communications (and lack thereof), and the most exciting and faith building experience I have had yet to date in my life. God is a Father who cares, who loves, and who is involved in the details of our lives if we will let Him.

Just Jumpin'

Aubrey is on a competitive jump rope team....that's right, competitive. Most of you, I doubt have heard of such a thing (neither had I.) However, if you don't believe jump rope to be a real sport...I challenge you to do it for 5 minutes straight. Trust me, it's much harder than you think.

Well, as in usual Aubrey style, she is doing fairly well. Although this time it has required quite a bit of hard work on her part. Well, she passed off enough jump rope skills to be on the team last June and believes she has finally found her athletic calling in life.

On her 13th birthday of this year she had the opportunity to compete in a regional jump rope competition up in Idaho. Here is a picture of her team with the ribbons won.

Her little double dutch team won 4th place out of 26 for their routine. They were all three very surprised to have won as this is the first year for all three of them. Aubrey was so surprised, in fact, that she broke out in tears. Their hard work had paid off and she was thrilled!

She is hoping to be able to compete in the National competition next year.

Videos of her double dutch as well as her individual freestyle routine are on my facebook page.