I-600 in Haiti

Tony and I took a whirlwind trip to Haiti to file our I-600 with the American embassy in Port au Prince. This is the paperwork we file so the American government can assess whether or not the boys are actually "orhpaned." I was a bit anxious about going to PaP as I've heard many not so fun stories from others about their visits there. Surprisingly, all went as well as things can go in Haiti.

We left Saturday and had a 5 hour layover in Los Angeles. We took advantage of it and met Shannon and Todd at the airport and they so graciously took us out to eat. It just left me longing for more time with my oldest friend.

We were met (thankfully) at the airport in PaP on Sunday morning and were taken straight to our guesthouse. If you're ever in the neighborhood, I highly recommend it: Heartline Househttp://haiti-guesthouse.com/. We were the only ones staying there that night, so we had the whole place to ourselves all evening. And it was surprisingly relaxing and enjoyable with a private room and barbecue chicken dinner.

Up at 5:00 AM on Monday to get to the embassy for our 7:00 appt. We were allowed in the embassy about 8:00. Long story short....about 4 hours of waiting for about 15 minutes worth of business.

Now the exciting part! We are off to Cap Haitien to spend a couple days with the boys. Hunter and Jillian so graciously brought them to the airport to meet us and to our surprise they came running to us yelling "Mama!, Papa!"...tears coming again just thinking about it. The entire visit we spent skipping school, coloring, playing games, making kites, going to the beach, and just getting to hang out with them and get to know the two of them even better. They are just two fun, sweet, little boys...can I just say? We ABSOLUTELY cannot wait to get them home!

Tony, being the servant that he is, had to fit in some type of labor while we were there...don't think he can go to Haiti without that experience under his belt.

Sam wearing Tony's sunglasses and hat...Alto being a boy and Dalencia. Utah people need to note Sam's shirt.

Sam showing off his splits. Always a show-off!

Laughina, Sam, and Caleb (Gerome's baby) I learned the hard way that Sam, although he loves babies, does not always know the correct way to handle them.

Overall, this trip which I expected to be highly stressful was surprisingly relaxing...a much needed time with my husband as well as with my two boys.

In Florida for the day!

When Love Takes You In

When Love Takes You In

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

This is a song written by Steven Curtis Chapman. Many people apply the lyrics to children without families or just having children in general. I find it more appropriate to apply it to all of us who are in need of a Creator to take us in with His love. A love that according to Romans 8:37-39 overwhelmingly conquers and nothing can separate us from. As we all go about our way looking to the world to fill the void in us that only God can fill with His love, let's remember that He is waiting to give us an unlimited fountain of living waters (Jer. 2:13) as we continue to settle for the limited, stale, nasty, water in the cisterns the world has to offer us.

While We Were in Haiti...

Lest you think the kids being left behind while we were in Haiti were deprived of fun....

Holly swimming in Grandma's lake (every day.)

Cameron at the Science Museum.

Caleb fishing on the lake with Emery.

Amber and Holly.

The boys flying the kite Sam made for them in Haiti (after we got back, of course.)

Sports

Here's what the kids have been up to with their sports:

Holly got to go with Aubrey to one of her jump rope camps last fall. I'm so glad they both like it (consolidating sporting interests is my secret plan to maintain my sanity.)

Holly was a hit with the rest of the team as well....some of the best jump ropers in America are right there.

Wrestling season has begun and the boys are showing a lot of improvement from last year. Here are their medals they won at the tournament last weekend in Provo...Cam got 1st place and Caleb got 4th. Wrestling is a tough sport physically and mentally...I'm so proud of them for giving it their all and working so hard.

Holly trying to keep herself entertained during our 7 hour stay in the gym watching the boys.

Waiting...still.

What is it that we all despise so much about waiting? It's not about us.

Every adoptive parent's blog contains at least one post entitled or having something to do with "Waiting." Maybe because it's so gut wrenching waiting on inefficient governments to go through the necessary processes that they are also going through for hundreds of other families just like us as our paperwork sits on someone's desk who may or may not care about the fact that every day without our boys is another day our family feels incomplete. In every adoption there comes a point where you just have to wait. There is nothing more you can do. You have no control, no say, no power over any aspect of the process whatsoever. That is where we are. There are no decisions to be made, no paperwork to frantically try to assemble from all corners of the earth, no plans to make in anticipation of the arrival of two precious boys. All there is to do is just WAIT.

In our ladies Bible study the other night, I gleamed a neat little gem from God's word about waiting. Isaiah 40:31 "...but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wing like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." The Hebrew word "wait" is almost always used to refer to waiting on the Lord and it specifically means to wait with expectation. Not waiting in doubt, but waiting with expectation. It reminds me of God's definition of faith in Hebrews 11... the assurance of things hoped for. You see...when I wait for something with the full expectation that it's going to happen, it's a lot different than waiting when I am uncertain if something is going to happen. I am waiting with confidence not uncertainty.

God wants us to wait on Him with the full expectation that what He wants is going to happen. The trick is to be content with what HE (not ME) wants to happen.

Does this mean that all is going to go according to my plan...(ie...we will wait until Spring to set the boys' rooms up.) Of course not! That kind of waiting disappoints...almost every time.

The kind of waiting God talks about here is the kind that renews our strength. Did you catch that? He said renew....not give you back the strength you once had, but give you a whole new strength you never knew you had. A strength that lets you glide through your life with the grace, ease, and fearlessness of an eagle. A strength that when you run through the stressful, fast paced moments and time is flying by, you will not get tired and when you walk through the more lonely, slow and difficult times you will not get weary. I'm reminded of when Jesus is speaking to the woman at the well about water that can make you never thirst again...God can give us unlimited strength if we will just wait on Him.

If we would just trust Him enough to actually wait on Him.

So, as with every step of this process God is once again teaching me to trust Him. Not to trust with things He's already painstakingly taught me to trust Him with; difficult decisions, or deadlines, my abilities as a mother, or even with whether or not adoption is the best thing for our family. But now He is teaching me to trust Him in the midst of waiting. To trust Him that every event in my life, whether good or bad is going to be used to His glory. To trust Him that at the end of this wait my strength will be renewed and unlimited. If only I will trust Him....

So, as we wait to do such things as take family portraits, take our next family vacation, and set up bedrooms, let us all learn to wait. To truly trust and wait on the Creator of the Universe!



It will be worth the wait. :-)

Getting to know Sam and Alto

So, I haven't really talked about our visit with the boys while we were in Haiti. They spent most of their time playing around the orphanage in typical kid fashion, while we were getting lots of work done, so it worked out. We did get many precious moments spent over the two weeks, however, learning about them, hugging on them, and just plain bonding.

Alto:

Alto is a fun loving, gentle spirited 4-year old little boy. I haven't really had one of those (gentle spirited, I mean) yet so I'm really looking forward to having this sweet and adventurous little guy in our family. His attention span is that of a typical four year old as he is everywhere all the time. But when he decides to sit with you and cuddle, he will sit still for quite awhile just absorbing all the love he can. Then he's off again.

Alto came to live at the orphanage when he was 3 months old. He was very sick with TB and on the verge of death. The staff there lovingly brought him back to health and has cared for him ever since. I thank God for all of those who intervened on his behalf so we can now have the blessing of adding this ball of energy into our family.

Getting his picture was challenging.
Fun at the beach.

Sam:

When I was there, I asked Sam if he would prefer "Sem" or "Sam." He said "Sam" so from here on out, the boy is Sam. Although I saw him spell it every way but S-A-M. Sam is a little spit fire. He loves to play soccer...as long as he's winning. His cute little giggle brings a joy to your heart. Sam is definitely more aware of the adoption situation than Alto. He spent lots of time examining the photo album I brought him. He is working on his English, I can tell, but communication is still very difficult. It is hard to know what is exactly going on in his little heart. He asked me when we were going to go to America. I just said, "in a very long time." Unfortunately, that's all the information I have to give right now. I just imagine telling any child of 7 that we are going to Disney World in a year...what do you think I will hear about every day for the next year? Is it today? When are we going? I'm sure it's on his little mind all the time, trying to imagine what it is all going to be like. He must have so many unanswered questions.

Sam's father died shortly after he was born. His mother fell ill when he was about 4 years old and could no longer care for him. She brought him to live at the orphanage and he has been there ever since.

Sam building a little toy car for Cam and Caleb.

MEMORIES MADE:

The boys rarely get the privilege of going out to eat...usually just on their birthday. They were so grateful for the opportunity to go...what a joy!!!

Outside the restaurant.

Inside the restaurant.


We also got to take them to the beach (another rarety for all of us). While Alto (in the green shorts) would hardly come out of the water, Sam (in the red shirt) was too afraid to get in. Here we are with a few other kids trying to build a sand castle....really a sand mound is more what it turned out to be. The boys weren't happy about interrupting their fun to take a picture.







Here we are at a little bakery
in town enjoying a treat.

Saying goodbye was heartbreaking to say the very least. Getting to know them better just made the longing in our hearts for them to be home with us more fervent.

"Our" Boys!

It seems a bit odd to me to refer to two little boys that I have spent less than a month total with as "ours." But it also seemed a bit odd (to me anyway) when I gave birth to my biological children that the moment they were born, an instant bond was there. Within seconds a bond was created so strong that I knew I would lay down my life at any moment for them....and would, forever! I have tried to tell myself about Sam and Alto, "they are not legally yours," "anything can happen...this is Haiti we are dealing with," "the boys don't feel the same way that you do." Well, although all of that is very true, and legally they are not mine yet, I would give my life for either of these boys...just as I would my biological children. On my part, as a mother, the bond is there. It's a bit unexplainable.

Maybe this is why God makes the adoption process so long, arduous, and difficult. It certainly wasn't this way with my biological children. God simply blessed me with the four of them, it was that beautiful, that easy, that simple. Maybe He knows that the time invested, the emotional, financial, and physical energy being expended by me on behalf of these precious boys is what has and will continue to create this bond...a bond that can only be had between a mother and a child. It was told to me by my caseworker before signing a single document that I would feel differently about these boys than my biological children. I would feel more protective, invested in these children. Not that I would have more love, commitment to or adoration for them, but I would feel in a different sense that these children were chosen, labored for, prayed over, and wept over more than the others. In typical Tanya fashion, I thought it could not be true...they would all be the same in my heart. But it is very true thus far. My biological children are mine, I love them with every fiber of my being...but there is a yearning that I have for these two little Haitian boys that I didn't need to have with the other four.

As we have labored on through this process, I keep looking for examples of adoption in the Bible. There is the example of Moses, but the most striking example I find is the one of you and me. Romans 8:14-21 discusses God's adoption of us as His sons in depth. We are co-heirs with Christ. I think of how I feel with regard to Sam and Alto vs. my biological children and how God must feel about me vs. Jesus. I have required a great deal more "work" on God's part than Jesus did, that's for sure. He has had to wait patiently for me, invest tremendously in me, He payed an unthinkable price for me. I think of how much these 2 little boys mean to me, how much I am willing to sacrifice for them, and how very dear they are to my heart and I have only spent less than a month with them. "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matt. 7:11) Any emotion or love I (who am evil) feel for any of my children, God has immeasurably more for me. I really am special to my God. He really does look at me as His daughter...with all of the privileges and inheritance that goes along with it. He gladly paid the cost and made the sacrifice for me to be His child, as I do for these boys who are to be my heirs, "co-heirs" with my children.